Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
