I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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