i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
