felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
