PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
