Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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