Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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