Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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