Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
