He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
