dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently you make a good broom.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
