I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
