i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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