i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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