just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize