You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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