Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
