drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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