the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
