It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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