First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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