I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
