I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
