no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
