my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
