I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
