i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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