My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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