I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
