Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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