and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
