at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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