Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
