yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
handjob tips. give me some.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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