she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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