It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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