im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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