so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
