I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
