she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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