yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
