Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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