Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
