i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
