The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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