Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
