ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
