i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
