I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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