I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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