Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize