ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
