I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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