Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
