Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
