the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
