On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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