U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
