after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
