i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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