do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
