you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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