i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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