I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
