dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
