she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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