How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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