If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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