I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
