I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
