after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
