The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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