Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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