My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
