i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
