i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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