I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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