yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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