God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
