Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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