Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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